KC Live: Solar Eclipse Toys (Balls for the Wall)

The week before this segment I made my sorority sister Rachel help me carry a body across a busy trafficway and shove it in the trunk of my car. This time I made her carry a big ole bag of balls. Actually they were inflatable planets that you can hang from the ceiling, but still. Sisterhood at it’s finest.

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Here is the info for where to buy some awesome space toys, as well as some pictures from my segment on KC Live! Savvy’s favorite was the Giant Inflatable Solar System (she even loved the pump that comes with it which saved me a lot of work) and the Motorized Solar System is one of the coolest toys I’ve seen and super easy to put together. Definitely check out the Hide-A-Boos because there are fantastic designs and much better quality than those pop up tents that always end up breaking. I would like to go on record saying that my husband put together the Solar System Puzzle and he enjoyed it. Kuhlguy approved. We haven’t played the game yet, but the pieces are adorable and I love that it has different modes to play.

Happy Solar Eclipse Day!

Giant Inflatable Solar System at http://www.learningresources.com
GeoSafari® Motorized Solar System at http://www.educationalinsights.com
The Purple Cow’s Mapedia Solar System Puzzle at http://www.Amazon.com
Paul and the Moon at http://www.HABAusa.com
Outerspace Hideout at http://www.hideaboo.com (They are having a big sale right now and free shipping!)

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Actual Things: More Sh*t My Kids Say

Today I had to take Savvy(3) to the doctor with me to get my blood drawn. She watched curiously and asked lots of questions of the nurse. As we were walking to the car:

Savvy: “Mommy, is that nurse going to keep your blood?”

Me: “No, she’ll send it to a lab.”

Savvy *knowingly*: “Oh. Which one?”

Me: “…I have no idea…”

Savvy: “George?”

*This is George: the lab. He is NOT a licensed medical professional. Please do not let him convince you otherwise.

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KC Live: Money Basics for Kids

KC Live Money Segment

Today I had the privilege of being a guest on Kansas City Live talking about some great toys to help parents teach kids about the basics of dollars and cents. Here are the products I featured on air and where to get them. You can also go to LearningResources.com where all the Money themed toys are 20% off!

Pretend & Play Calculator and Cash Register available at Target

Pretend and Play Cash Register

Learning Resources Smart Market available at Amazon

The Smart Market

Pretend and Play ATM Machine available at Amazon

Pretend and Play ATM

Learning Resources Money Activity Set available at Amazon

Learning Resources Money Activity Set

Pretend and Play Play Money available at Amazon

Pretend and Play Money

A big thank you to Learning Resources for the fantastic toys!

 

“GEORGE WASHINGTON DIED IN HIS OWN BED!”

I spend most hours of my life with my kids. And they like to run their mouths gab. Whenever they say something worth remembering, I use Facebook as a lazy-ass modern alternative to a traditional baby book so I can capture the moment, well, in the moment.

Emily Kuhlman and Daughters

Here are some actual conversations I’ve captured with my children Avery (5) and Savvy (3) lately:

*Picking up the girls from school*
Me:”How was Teddy Bear day at preschool?”
Savvy: “Good. I saw a wiener.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Savvy: “I just kidding!”
Me: “Why would you even tell Mommy that?!”
Savvy: “Wieners are so funny!”
*a beat of silence as I debate whether or not to admit I agree*
Avery *flinging the car door open whilst shouting like a doomsday prophet on a street corner): “GEORGE WASHINGTON DIED IN HIS OWN BED!”

Naturally the members of my family now enjoy shouting this out at random.

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*Overheard*
Avery: “Savvy, if you don’t behave we’re going to sell you to the market for pork.”

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Avery: “Do bunnies smell good?”
Me: “I don’t know, I’ve never smelled a bunny.”
Avery: “No. Like, do they have a good sense of smell? Why would you smell a bunny?”
Me: “I don’t know. I thought it was a strange question.”

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*Savvy and I at McDonald’s, both wearing Ugg boots.*
Old lady with white hair (talking to Savvy): “What happened to your forehead??”

Savvy: “It’s a birthmark.”

Old lady with white hair (to Savvy): “I knew a little boy with one of those and they had to cut it off his face! Well you’re a pretty little girl anyway. I like your boots!” *looks at me* “Those Ugg boots only look good on children. And they are way too expensive.”

Savvy: “I had a grandma with white hair but she’s dead.”

Normally I call her out on all of her egregious lies, but I let this one slide.

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*Our pomeranian Mr. Biffles nips Avery on the ankle.*
Avery (*shouting down at the puppy and gesticulating wildly): “I DON’T WANT TO BE COVERED IN BLOOD FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!”
Me: “He’s six pounds and his teeth are smaller than grains of rice. Settle down.”
Avery (completely calm): “I know. I was just warning him to make a point.”

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Savvy: “Guess what my skin is made out of…”
Me: “What?”
Savvy: “Glorious meat.”

This has prompted me to start proclaiming things like, “THE GLORIOUS MEAT HAS RISEN. THE GLORIOUS MEAT DEMANDS WAFFLES.” My new goal in life is to write her wedding announcement for the newspaper with the line, “…and the bride wore glorious meat.”

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Me: “Where’s your little sister?”
Avery *casually*: “Oh, you know.”
Me: “No. I don’t know.”
Avery: “She’s in the family room relaxing in a giant turtle shell I made out of toys and trash.”

I took one fifteen minute shower, people

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My parents’ dog Annie died last year and since they live on a ranch in the country, they buried her in a corner of the yard and planted some lovely flowers. My mom walked the girls over to show them that they could come visit Annie’s grave whenever they missed her.

Avery: “So Annie’s actually in there?”

Mom (*delicately tiptoeing around discussion of the afterlife): “Well, yes, but her spirit isn’t there, it’s only her body.”

Avery: “Just her body?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Avery: “No head?”

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And last but not least, probably one of the darkest days in dog-shaming history:

Dog Shaming

 

 

National Children’s Dental Health Month

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Today I was on Kansas City Live to talk about some adorable products to help kids get excited about brushing their teeth. I will totally fill you in on what it was like to be on TV for the first time but first I wanted to let you know where you can get these for your kiddos.

Baby Banana Brush

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This is the perfect toothbrush/teether for when baby’s first tooth pops up. You can put it in the freezer and it’s even save for the dishwasher. The material is completely safe and the flexibility and shape makes it safer for squirmy toddlers.

Available at Amazon.com

 

My Magic Mud Toothpaste

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This is an all natural toothpaste made with activated charcoal so it actually turns all your teeth black when you use it which Avery thought was the coolest and Kuhlguy even said he was skeptical but it tasted great!

Available at your local Vitamin Shoppe, Natural Grocers, or Sprouts.

 

New Sprouts Fresh Picked Fruit & Veggie Tote by Learning Resources

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These are colorful, durable fruits and veggies perfect for little hands and made of non-toxic plastic. Savvy is absolutely obsessed with them and they come with an adorable reusable grocery bag.

Available at http://www.LearningResources.com

 

Nancy B’s Science Club Mighty Microbes Lab and Germ Journal

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This is a super cool science kit that guides kids through biology experiments. They can even test their own toothbrushes to see the germs and bacteria on them which is so disgusting and I cannot wait to try it!

Available at http://www.EducationalInsights.com

 

*Thank you to the companies who provided me with these goodies. My kiddos are super excited about all of them!

We’re The Parents In America

Alternate post title: Feeling Clueless

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“…so, kids, the reason some people aren’t allowed into our country right now is because, unlike us, they aren’t Christian and they weren’t born in America, where as we are totally allowed here because we are blessed by a Jewish guy from the Middle East who loves everyone, which is why it’s like, our country motto and stuff.

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“I Wish You Weren’t A Liar”

(Bonus cool points if you got the SNL reference in the title.)

My soon-to-be three-year-old daughter Savannah has a birthmark on her forehead. It wasn’t there when she was born, but showed up around 2 weeks later and continued to get bigger and darker. For a while, we couldn’t go a single day without someone (usually both children and adults) commenting or somewhat rudely asking about it. I’m sure you other parents out there enjoy constantly explaining your child’s physical appearance to strangers as much as I do.

Savvy Day 1

Savvy 2 Months

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The Tail of Robert Smith

About a year ago, when Avery was newly 4 years old, we were looking out into the yard and saw a couple of bunnies frolicking. I noted that we had seen the same one in particular several days in a row and said “Hey, maybe we should give him a name. How about Stew?” (Yes, I do find myself amusing. Yes, I am the only one.)

Avery said matter-of-factly, “That’s not appropriate. How about Robert Smith?”

(In case you’re wondering, she named the second one Marshmallow. Not Marshmallow Smith. I know because I asked.)

So Robert Smith lives in our backyard. When our dog George barks, one of the kids will say, “Oh, he’s barking at Robert Smith.” Sometimes over coffee, Kevin will look out and remark, “Robert Smith is out and about bright and early today.” Basically if our daily life were a sitcom, the opening credits would say, “and featuring Robert Smith.”

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