Getaway: 4th of July in Wisconsin

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If you follow me on Instagram (@MrsKansasMommy) you were probably bombarded with 4th of July posts from me! At least once a year we do a trip with two of my sorority sisters (Katie and Regan) and our families. We all live in different cities so we take turns going to different locations. This year, we all met up in Wisconsin at a lake house for 4th of July weekend.

Couple of things about these people:

  1. Highly educated, successful, and responsible.
  2. Career-driven, well-respected professionals.
  3. Expert SNL-quoters who enjoy drinking on boats and general shenanigans. (Reason #3 is how I fit into this group. Obviously.)

Here are some fun pictures from our Independence Day Weekend 2016:

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Getaway: Omni Scottsdale at Montelucia

If you follow me on IG (@MrsKansasMommy) you probably know I recently tagged along with my husband last minute on a business trip to Scottsdale.

We got up at 4:30am to make it to the airport. Safely on board, we pulled away from the gate, only to have the captain come out (he had a Mike Ditka mustache and was wearing a huge wedding band full of diamonds, which I found noteworthy) to tell us that the plane is “broken” so we are going back, deplaning, and getting on another plane. However, the delivery was infused with a lot of jokes and was unnecessarily lengthy. You could tell that in his head he was like, “pause for laughter…these people are loving me!” Ugh.

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Finally in the air on the way to Phoenix, Kevin worked  while I drank 2 bloody Mary’s and had pleasant xanax-laced dreams for three hours while I listened to the Hamilton soundtrack. (OBSESSED!!!)

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Getaway: Scottsdale Kuhlmans

It’s been FOREVER since I posted a Getaway! Okay since February, but that seems like ages ago.

This is the first time Kevin and I have ever gone back to a place we’ve been before. Not because we’re banned, but it’s probably not that far-fetched. You may remember that we spent our Babymoon in Scottsdale when I was pregnant with Savvy a couple years ago so it was a different sort of trip for me this time around.

Do you guys remember that jerk #NaplesEmily? Well enter the #ScottsdaleKuhlmans.

 Scottsdale Kuhlmans

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The #ScottsdaleKuhlmans have no schedule, no jobs, no responsibilities. They are accustomed to a certain lifestyle, a certain level of service, like extra chips. They dine al fresco and go to the spa and read Town and Country magazine.

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Breakfast the first day at Il Terrazzo

On our last trip I was pregnant, but with no excuse this time, I agreed to hike Camelback Mountain. My prep consisted of buying a cute olive green hiking jacket which I accented with a silver scarf, giving me what I felt was a sort of European backpacker vibe.

We got up with the sunrise and were some of the first people to Camelback Mountain. When we got on the trail I knew I had made a huge mistake.

When I hear the word “trail” I think unpaved, minimal landscaping, possibly bikes. This was not so much a trail as a rock climbing exercise. There were points when it got so narrow I didn’t dare look down. Sporty people passed us with their high-tech water carriers and fanny packs full of granola; they all smelled of patchouli lip balm and SPF-a-thousand. Some even wore those mullet hats with fabric on the back to protect them from the blistering sun. With my scarf and jacket I might as well have been wearing a bathrobe.

This is literally about 7 minutes into our hike:

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When I saw the other hikers in their gear I began to get intimidated by what was to come. As we scaled higher up the mountain it became apparent to me that Kevin was, against all odds, enjoying it. I knew if we stopped to take photos I could rest. Here I am dying posing on a rock.

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Some men walked up the trail past where I was resting on the rock and Kevin was standing over me, as he had just taken my picture. My husband said “Hello.” The men nodded and said “Hello.” I whispered, “Help me.” Then one of the men said, “Wait, what? Did you just say ‘help me’?” They eyed my husband suspiciously like he was Nick in Gone Girl. He gave a panicked/embarrassed grin like, “Eh, what are you gonna do about this one!” and they kept walking. (Fun tip: Ladies, this is the sort of charming thing I do ALL the time to keep my man on his toes. He LOVES it when I make strangers think he’s a terrible person. It’s like, SO hilarious to BOTH of us!!!!!)

Finally, I admitted that I just wasn’t up to continuing our hike. I told my husband I was intimidated by these professional athlete climbers and that I just wasn’t prepared enough with the right apparel and equipment. I told him I didn’t want something dangerous to happen and my children be motherless on Mother’s Day and he agreed that we could head back down the mountain.

This, in the movie business, would be called comedic timing, because as we headed down the trail it was apparently hiking rush hour with throngs of people breezing up the hill with ease. There were elderly women, fat guys in sandals, and three-legged dogs. I swear I actually saw a little girl wearing heart sunglasses talking on her cell phone as she traipsed by me with her tan, athletic family. I guess my real question is, what are these desperate people trying to prove? I just feel sorry for them.

We went to brunch where I felt comfortable back in my natural habitat drinking champagne on a balcony eating one bite of everything on a fancy brunch buffet, using 5 unnecessary plates and pretending to read the complimentary newspaper.

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As we do on every vacation, we had a dance party in our hotel room and I made us take what I affectionately refer to as “Senior Pictures.”

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The Phoenician has a waterslide and yes, we are totally that couple that takes turns standing in line with all the kids while the other one waits to get the perfect shot. Kevin is obviously better at this than I am.

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Each day the resort Sommelier has a complimentary tasting so the first day we had champagne and the second day we learned to make Mojitos. I’m not going to say it’s “frowned upon” to take over the class and start mixing your own drinks, but by the third one I felt we should probably go…

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We took some cinnamon infused tequila for the “road.”

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This is the picture Kevin snapped when we got back to our hotel room for our siesta.

I call it: Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.

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After lounging pool-side in this idyllic setting for days, it was time to go home. We stopped to get some crappy nachos in the airport and when we got our change it’s as if the universe was saying to us, “Back to the real world, A-holes.”

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#ScottsdaleKuhlmans out.

Getaway: Ocatilla at the Arizona Biltmore

My husband had a conference in Arizona, so the baby girls and I tagged along for some fun in the sun. We stayed at a boutique hotel called Ocatilla within the Arizona Biltmore and from the moment I looked it up online, I was excited about all of it. The architecture is inspired by Frank Lloyd Wright, we had a 500 sq. ft. deluxe room with 300 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, a bathroom made up of stunning marble, granite and mosaic tiles, mineral baths every night, a 24 hour on-call concierge in the executive lounge that featured a daily happy hour, and a private pool exclusively for guests of Ocatilla. This all sounded great. But the TRUE GEM of this property is the juice bikes. What’s a juice bike? It’s literally a bike with a huge table on the front that men in suits ride around the property to deliver room service. This is the picture from the website:

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Needless to say, my ONE AND ONLY goal for this trip was to ride one of these juice bikes. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. For one thing, they just whiz by you at warp speeds around the resort. After two full days of searching, we happened upon this lone, unattended juice cart just waiting for a photo op. I felt kind of bad about it and wasn’t going to get on, but my husband was like, “Come on! This is your dream!” and I was like, “You’re right. I’m not gonna look back on my life and have regrets. I’m gonna LIVE!” Okay, not really, but I am glad that we got this picture. I wanted to put the baby on the front but Kevin said no.

One more quick anecdote from the trip. Only Ocatilla guests had access to the executive concierge lounge and it all seemed very formal, so when we walked in the first couple times we swiped our card and Kevin gave our name to the concierge that sits by the door who politely smiled. The third time it was a different concierge and as we casually strolled past the desk with our kids, Kevin said gallantly, “Kevin Kuhlman and company!” and the concierge was like, “Um, you don’t need to say your name, sir.” So then I shouted to the people, “DENNIS QUAID IS HERE!”

And no one laughed. Not one person.

If you aren’t laughing either, you need to watch this clip immediately.

On to the pictures from our trip!

Don’t all parents fly like this? It wouldn’t have been so bad but the guy next to me brought his two kids and expected me to hold one of them the entire time. Talk about rude!

Fun fashion find: Hat from Target in the $1 section!

Quick travel tip: On a short trip, take 1 versatile statement necklace like the white Sutton. Worn in my vacation pictures with Cleopatra studs and Amelie sparkle bracelet.

It’s probably not a good parenting technique but I always let Avery jump on the bed in hotels. It’s fun!

Gorgeous bathroom with relaxing mineral baths every night.

Mosaic Tile Pouf from Stella and Dot

I loved the hotel decor and the backlit glass on the headboard. We also had a little portable crib for Savvy and we all slept peacefully.

The grounds were so very beautiful and we took long walks every day. It’s kind of impossible not to take long walks at this resort because everything is very spaced out but you don’t feel like you’re in Arizona, it feels more like California because of all the lush landscaping.

I have always had an affinity for Southwestern style so I really loved the architectural detail throughout the property. It was sophisticated with indoor water features everywhere and beautiful caged birds in the lobby but still had a nod to native american tribal style.

I need this Delta end table! Please tell me where to get one!

It’s a Delta made of Pansies…Deltas galore!

Savvy’s like, “Ooh! Breakfast buffet! I shall eat, in one meal, more than I would normally eat in one day.” Like mother like daughter.

The girls and I had the best time just hanging out at the Ocatilla pool every day. Avery is a little fish. She just gets in her little puddle jumper and motors all over the place! Savvy had one of those little innertubes for babies but in a quick second of leaning too far forward to look at the water she ended up upside down (for like a millisecond because I was standing right there, but to me it feld like an eternity because there’s something about seeing those chubby legs kicking out of water that can cause a mother to, I don’t know, panic and scream? We certainly got the attention of the people trying to relax by the pool. In true Savvy fashion as soon as I got her upright she was smiling again like, “What a rush!” I’m still recovering.

Trying to take a sexy outfit pic is not as sexy with your child jumping around in the background. #ModelFail #MommyWin

Cheers by the fire pit on the terrace of the hospitality lounge.

Trying to get high enough to pick the oranges off the tree.

Got the whole world in my hands.

A big vacation for such a little girl.

Dining al fresco by the fire pit at one of the restaurants.

Savvy broke a plate so we yelled “Opa!” Again, like mother like daughter.

Ready for pool time! Normally I go a little more sporty but on vacation I love to dress for the pool! Getaway Bag by Stella and Dot. Swimsuit by Victoria’s Secret (my first non-Target, grown up lady swim suit) Necklace is the detachable piece from  my Stella and Dot White Sutton and the hat is from the Target Dollar Section (they have pink too!) Shoes are Marc Fisher from Macy’s. Similar

Avery’s kitten hat is from H&M Kids. She loved it and it kept the sun off her precious little face!

Exclusive pool and spa for Ocatilla guests.

Yummy Happy Hour appetizers in the lounge! Double Clutch in Geranium by Stella and Dot 

My pink hat is from Apricot Lane. It had a bow on it but I took it off.

The whole resort has an historical theme highlighting the famous people who stayed there in years past as well as the renovations over the years. All the halls are lined with black and white pictures which I adored.

With Jackie and Jack!

Good thing I recently learned to play chess! I knew it was a completely practical skill.

Vacation agenda: More Pool Time! My cover up is “vintage” Old Navy and I love it so much that sometimes I pretend it’s a shirt and wear it with jeans.

What is it about Palm Trees?

Poolside naps are the greatest.

Living ‘La Vida Roba’ wearing a “coat made from a towel. It can have a belt and you can dunk it in the toilet.” (Extra cool points if you know and  love Jim Gaffigan.) Also I apologize if Roba means something offensive in Spanish. This may come as a shock to all my amigos out there but no habla the espanol. I wish I did though. My best friend Lauren does and it’s the coolest. Lauren, what does Roba mean?

Sneaky Avery using a photo op to steal her sister’s cracker!

Daddy daughter memories.

Taking our final walk through the gorgeous grounds.

Panoramic picture of the main grounds

This was the greatest and best mocha in the world. (Tribute.) No seriously, it was the best ever.

My family!

Heading back to the airport where Daddy was off to New Orleans for a bachelor party! I don’t know if it was for an actual friend or if he was just hoping to join up with one after all this family time.

Survived TWO flights home by myself with these angels (it took a lot of DumDums and new toys!) A super nice stranger took a picture of us, probably while internally praying he wouldn’t have to sit by us.

MKM Word of the day: Bribery: brahy-buh-ree, noun: A desparate parenting technique involving the exchange of candy for silence.

Shout out to our travel agent Rob Merlin at Smartflyer!